


blue storm

by alineppenhallow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Missing Scene, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 14:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9238775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alineppenhallow/pseuds/alineppenhallow
Summary: Ragnor was gone.Ragnor was gone





	

**Author's Note:**

> i needed acknowledgment of ragnor's passing + i was feeling like shit so here.

Magnus tugged at the arms and the hem of his high collar dark jacket in the mirror, taking a deliberate breath he let his shoulders fall. The movement wooden and unnatural, too stiff under the velvet. 

Minimum make-up and his hair loosely styled without an ounce of colour, he looked like he was going to a funeral. Magnus snorted, at least Ragnor would appreciate the toned down affair for his wake. 

So much had happened, it was hard to believe that it’d only been barely a month since Ragnor had...since he had... since he... _god damn it._

Magnus sucked in a sharp shaky breath. He couldn’t even think it. 

He shook himself out, loosening his muscles. They already felt like jelly anyway but Magnus needed to do something. Anything to shake off the weight lowering on him. Crushing him like crumbling stonework. 

He’d been ready for an hour and time was ticking closer. Magnus was in danger of being late. But still he stood like a statue in front of the mirror, fixing his outfit like a priest rolled a rosary between his fingers. But there was not comfort in the usual act for him, nothing to distract him from the truth. Ragnor was gone. 

_Ragnor was gone._

The reality was almost too much to bear and he twisted away from the thoughts but like any of his personal demons, they curled back towards him, taunting him. 

He’d stormed into Ragnor’s living room last week, already talking about how Alec had shown up and apologised before he’d realised. 

The room was empty. All of his belongings stored away in Magnus’ building and every thing that was _Ragnor_ long gone, leaving nothing but the horrifically styled wallpaper he’d chosen simply because Magnus had sneered at it decades ago. 

It all came crushing down and Magnus had curled up on the floor and wept for the first time in a long time. In an empty cold room. He’d been surprised by how quiet it had been. His crying that is. The room was echoingly quiet, horrifically so. No, his crying was oddly silent. No great gasping dramatic sobs just a quiet shaking rattle of pain, that had hurt so much more. 

By the end he’d felt wrecked, empty and wrecked in a void of Ragnor’s home.

He’d pulled himself together, hastily pulling the shards of himself into a pile and stumbling upright. He brushed away the tear tracks and turned around and gone home and drank himself to sleep. 

The next day he ignored it. Pretended like it hadn’t happened. But like a shadow in the corner of his eye, it followed him around. Ever present and unignorable no matter how loud Magnus laughed or how much he drank. It was always there. And now here it was right in front of him. No more hiding. Completely unavoidable like he’d been chased down a dark narrowing alleyway and now he’d hit the towering brick wall at the end.

 _Ragnor’s wake_. 

Magnus sniffed and ignored the way his throat felt thick. He refused to cry again. The wake would be a small affair, just a few long loved friends and all of them grieving in their own way but each needing a rock. A mountain to steady themselves against in the raging storm of grief. Magnus had to be that for them. Somebody had to and Magnus was the closest they would get. So he shoved his own grief back just like he’d been doing. Buried it for another quiet day in an empty English house away from the world. 

“Magnus,” Alec called from the front room and Magnus’ eyes shut. _Of all the days_...He sighed. Its not that he didn’t want Alec there, he did. God he wanted nothing more than to ignore the outside world and just _be_  with Alec. But he didn’t fancy explaining this. Hell he hadn’t even used the words yet out loud. How was he supposed to explain to Alec when he couldn’t even say it out loud? 

“In here darling,” Magnus responded, fixing his collar again. Anything to delay the inevitable. Alec’s foot falls were heavy and sure and it didn’t take him long to reach Magnus. He stayed in the open doorway to Magnus’ bedroom, hands tucked behind his back and an almost parade rest stance. He looked around the room, half curious and half out of habit to check his surroundings. When his eyes found Magnus they lit up, smile already beginning to form on his lips. Alec relaxed a little, almost leaning towards the doorway and Magnus found himself imagining the day that Alec would lean lazily on the doorframe. He smiled to himself. 

And Alec frowned, finally taking in Magnus’ somber attire. 

“Everything okay?”

“What brings you to my door today Alexander?” Magnus asked instead of answering. He avoided Alec’s gaze, fixing his cuffs. 

“Uh, the same as yesterday...sorry,” Alec winced.

“It’s fine but finding Jace will have to wait until later,” Magnus assured him, finally moving away from the mirror out of the desire to end the conversation, rather than actually go anywhere. But with Alec blocking the door, almost afraid to cross the threshold without Magnus’ permission, he had nowhere to go to escape the conversation. 

“Why?” Alec asked, blunt and a little frustrated. Magnus understood, he did. Alec wanted to find his parabatai _yesterday_ and the seconds that ticked by without him must have been agony. But Magnus just didn’t have the patience to deal with Alec’s outbursts right now. 

“Because I have a prior engagement to attend too,” Magnus sighed. 

“Magnus --”

“Ragnor’s wake,” Magnus said heading off whatever argument Alec was about to make. But saying it out loud was like a punch to the chest, kicking out the air in his lungs. It felt like something shattering in his heart and Magnus felt his eyes burning. He shut them, struggling to keep himself from crying in front of Alec. 

“Oh,” Alec said softly and Magnus could have laughed, it was such a ridiculously small thing to say in the wake of the endless void he was facing. 

“Yes...oh,” Magnus said shakily. 

Alec shuffled from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable and once again struggling with his words, “Magnus, I’m - I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Magnus whispered, though the words did little to ease the gaping hole near his heart. Alec nodded, seeming to sense the futility of his words. They stood in silence, the clock ticking away loudly. The deadline ticking closer and closer and Magnus felt the weight on his shoulders, digging in sharply. 

“I really must be going, I doubt he’d forgive me if I was late to his wake,” Magnus said, attempting to joke but it fell flat. He didn’t move either. 

“Do -- do you need me?” Alec asked hesitantly. 

“Yes,” Magnus admitted leaning into Alec’s space, “but it won’t be wise to have a Shadowhunter in that room. And again I doubt Ragnor would appreciate me bringing a date to his wake.” Magnus finished with a smile. Alec snorted. 

“Okay...I’ll wait here then,” Alec said nodding to himself.

Magnus lips twitched in a half smile and he leant up, kissing Alec’s cheek softly in thanks. He stayed there for half a second longer than necessary, a little more procrastination and Alec let him, leaning into it. 

Eventually he pulled away, sticking close though, just breathing Alec in in. 

“What time?” Alec asked, his voice quiet but Magnus still flinched at the break in silence. 

“A couple more minutes,” Magnus said. 

“You should go,” Alec said gently, “I’ll - I’ll um, I’ll order something in for us later.”

Magnus smiled softly, warmed a little by Alec’s words, “My angel,” he teased and Alec’s cheeks took on a light pink tone.

“Go,” Alec urged him gently but instead of pushing Magnus away he pulled him in, kissing Magnus’ forehead tenderly. Magnus’ heart fluttered and he chocked on a whimper. He wanted to fall forward into Alec, bury himself in Alec and push away the world where Ragnor didn’t exist. 

But he couldn’t. 

He stepped away, putting physical distance between himself and the comfort Alec was offering. 

Magnus snapped his fingers, a portal swirling into life just behind him. He took one last steadying breath. Alec watched him, concerned and fingers twitching like he wanted to reach out and keep Magnus close. Magnus almost wanted him too but instead he smirked cockily, winked and threw his head up with confidence. Every movement a touch brittle, to sharp to be his usual confident self. Magnus turned around and stepped into the portal letting the cool breeze of the magic seal the cracks, freeze them over until he had time and space to break in peace. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://alineppenhallow.tumblr.com) & [Twitter](https://twitter.com/alineppenhallow)  
> 


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